


Unwrapped

by jillyfae



Series: Incorrigible [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Birthday Presents, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 10:09:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/620953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jillyfae/pseuds/jillyfae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What to get for the Commander who doesn't actually need anything besides galactic peace?</p><p>Chocolate might be a good start.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Vega

"So."  Vega shifted slightly in his seat, looking past his feet propped up on the workbench, his chair balanced on just the rear two legs.  
  
"Yeah Vega?"  Joker's voice came clearly through the speaker.  
  
"You and Lola..."  
  
"Shepard and I what?"  Vega was pretty sure he could hear the pilot's grin growing bigger.  "Fuck like bunnies on a regular basis?"  
  
"Hell, Joker, does she know you talk about her like that behind her back?"  
  
"He talks about me like that to my face, Vega, don't worry about it."    
  
"Uh."  Vega's chair fell flat to the floor with a clatter at the sound of Ella Shepard's voice on the comm.  He ignored the echo of Esteban laughing at him from his station across the Bay.  
  
"I'm pretty sure we warned everyone that if you're talking to me somewhere public on ship, there are even odds that Joker's listening."   _Sounds like Lola's laughing too._  "Should've realized it worked the other way too, now, shouldn't you Vega?"  
  
"Well.  Sort-of?"  Vega frowned, shoulders hunched.  "I kinda wanted to..."  
  
"Talk about me behind my back?"  She actually did laugh aloud that time, a short low chuckle.  "Alright, I'll leave you boys alone."  He heard the soft damp sound of a kiss, _which really is going on a lot longer than necessary, especially on deck_ , followed by the whisper of her voice, saying something the comm didn't quite pick up.  And then Vega waited some more, until he heard a bulkhead door slide closed, because Joker being Joker he'd obviously be watching her leave, not paying attention to the voice from the Bay.  
  
"Done playing kissy-face on duty, Joker?"  
  
"I am never done playing kissy-face with Shepard, Vega."  Joker said.  "But I'll take a break to talk to you, since you asked so very nicely.  Oh, wait, no you didn't."  
  
Vega rolled his eyes.  "You're one to talk about the manners, _volante_."  
  
"Hey.  Keep your insults to languages I have a shot of thinking up a come-back in, _gros_."  
  
"What, was that french?"  
  
"Yeah.  You should feel special.  Usually only break that out for my girl."  
  
"You call her your girl.  Lola.  Who, you know, likes to break people?"  
  
"Ah, but she thinks I'm cute.  Won't break me."  Joker snickered.  "Unless I ask."  
  
"Too much intel, Joker."  
  
"Then ask your damn question, Vega, or you are stuck with whatever else I think up on my own."  
  
"It's almost her birthday, right?"  
  
There was a pause, slight enough it wouldn't have even been noticeable with anyone besides Joker, who tended to talk faster than most people could think, and then his voice was soft when he answered.  "Yeah.  Almost."  
  
"Would throwing her a sort-of surprise party be the sort of thing that would get me punched, or would she like it?"  
  
"Uh."  There was another pause.  Vega was pleasantly surprised that Joker actually seemed to be thinking about it.  "As long as you don't put a number on the cake to remind her her years are all screwed up, I'm pretty sure she'd like it.  Especially if it involves chocolate.  And or strawberries.  If I'm wrong though, it's going to be all your fault. Not mine."  
  
Vega snorted, tilting his chair back up on its back legs.  "Knew that already.  You get her a present?"  
  
"Oh, yeah."  The smirk was audible in his voice.    
  
Vega added that to the list of things he didn't want to know more about.  "Any safe-for-coworkers suggestions?"  
  
"I mentioned chocolate and strawberries already, right?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well then.  She likes food.  Proper actual real food, not synthesized.  She bakes things."  Joker's voice trailed off in something that sounded suspiciously like awe.  
  
"What, like cookies?"  
  
"And bread.  And pies.  Oh my god, the cherries."  That time his voice completely stopped, and Vega couldn't resist chuckling at the sudden mental image of Joker drooling all over his fancy bucket seat.  "Plus when she's done, we have all this extra chocolate syrup to play with."  
  
"Damnit Joker, too much intel, remember?"  
  
"You're the one who called me, Vega."  
  
"And I'm never doing that again."  
  
"Yes, you will."   _Smug bastard_.  "I'm irresistible."  
  
"Maybe to Lola."  
  
"Definitely to Lola."  
  
"Aaand, that's enough of that for two lifetimes.  Later, pilot."  
  
"Later, jarhead."


	2. Joker

Vega was obviously confused. He hid it pretty well, but he kept leaning back, just a little, away from Ella, those heavy shoulders of his just a little too tight. _Probably cause she's flirting outrageously as thanks for the black forest cake._ Joker grinned, enjoying the show. He loved her mouth, the way her body curved, the sound of her laugh. It wasn't quite as good as when she flirted with asari with him, because well. Equal opportunity sexy blue alien babes needed no disclaimer. But it was still pretty damn spectacular.

Plus, the shifting of Vega's feet when he caught Joker watching them was hysterical. And Ella's grin when she noticed was predatory and delightful and fucking hot. She leaned in close to the younger marine, murmuring something Joker couldn't hear, and the poor man fled, grabbing a drink and escaping to talk to Traynor, who could be counted on not to flirt with him at all.

Cortez, who'd been sharing ~~outrageous fish~~ flying stories and dreadful innuendo until Joker got distracted by Ella, snorted a laugh into his cup. "You two are dreadful, Mr. Moreau."

"Really, Cortez, I know you like to tease, but in what universe am I a Mr. Moreau?" Joker grinned. "And whatever do you mean by dreadful?" He widened his eyes in an attempt to look innocent. At which he failed, as usual, judging by the other man's continued snickering.

"I'm a tease?" Cortez leaned back in his chair with a grin. "You're the one toying with my poor heart when I know you're taken. By a lady, no less."

"Doesn't mean I don't recognize a handsome man when I see one," Joker winked. "I'm an equal opportunity tease, after all."

"Is that the best you can do?" Cortez laughed. "You're not very good at this flirting thing. However did you seduce our Commander?"

"It was his hands," Ella said from behind Cortez, causing the man to twist in his seat to aim a grin at her. "Have you watched them dance when he's flying?"

"Hey, my hands dance when I fly. Why are you immune to my charms?"

"I think the problem there is more that you're immune to mine," Ella laughed, taking a few steps around Cortez and perching on the arm of Joker's chair. "Unless there's something you're not telling us?"

Joker hummed, sliding his arm around the small of Ella's back until his fingers were resting on her far hip, completely missing whatever smart retort Cortez managed. _God she smells good. Chocolate and roses and static and skin and she has perfect skin, always so warm against mine and what?_

He blinked as he realized Cortez was staring at him, eyebrows raised, and Ella was laughing again, her body shivering against his arm. "God, you're perfect, Joker," and then she was twisting sideways, one hand lifting his chin, head tilting to avoid his hat so she could kiss him.

Her lips were so soft, her mouth tasting slightly of cherries and chocolate still, intoxicating and perfect and _Ella_. Ella-kisses always went straight to his heart and his dick, until his whole body ached. His fingers tightened on her hip and he had to force himself not to do something even more inappropriate than usual, like undo her shirt in the middle of a party where everyone could see.

Even he had a few lines worth not crossing, and naked Ella was a sight he saved just for himself.

"Best birthday ever," she whispered softly, thumb tracing lightly along his jaw, stroking his beard.

"Haven't even opened your present yet, babe," he whispered back, voice rough against his throat.

"You got me a present?" She seemed so suddenly, honestly startled, eyes wide as she leaned back just a little, he couldn't help laughing.

"'Course I got you a present. Though, if all goes according to plan, it's a pretty good deal for me, too."

"Those are the best gifts." Cortez' eyes were flashing with amusement when Joker tilted his head to look at the source of the interruption. "The ones that get you laid."

"He gets laid pretty regularly as is," Ella said, flashing an amused look of her own at Cortez as she slid off the chair arm. "In fact, I'm thinking he's about to get lucky right now." She reached out a hand, helped pull him to his feet, and _god yes_ , she was standing close enough he could feel her breasts against his arm, her breath against his cheek as she purred at him. "Gonna show me what you got, flyboy?"

"Mm," Joker grunted, debating how much trouble he'd get into if he just kissed her neck and worked his way along her jaw rather than answering. _Probably not much, but then there's that awkward moment when neither of us want to stop but we rather have to because. Well. Public._ "Don't I always?"

"I think she meant her present." Cortez was still grinning, obviously enjoying the view. "Greedy lady, our Commander."

"Extremely," Ella agreed, and her voice was low and delicious and so close, he could feel it against his skin. She was so near that they were sharing air, mouths a tease as nothing quite touched, but every breath and every thought was all about her, and warmth, and skin, and touch _and fuck_ , she was whispering in his ear, "and I didn't mean my present."

"We need to be leaving now." He couldn't seem to keep his eyes off of her, though he actually kept his hands restricted to holding hers, no public groping, _and my dick's still in my pants, so that's an accomplishment_. He vaguely heard Cortez laughing farewell as Ella agreed and they escaped to the lift, and _hell yes, skin_ he had his hands under her shirt before the doors finished closing.


	3. Ella

Ella groaned at the feel of his hands up her back, his fingers perfect, always just a bit cooler than her skin, and then his lips were swallowing the sound, and her mouth was very busy kissing, and her body was on fire and kissing was wonderful.  Kissing was _grand_ , kissing was all they could really do in the elevator, what with standing being not the best position for anything, but that was fine, because he tasted like cake and tea and _fucking_ , and it was impossibly unfair and spectacular how good he was with his tongue.    
  
Kissing in the elevator was really the only time she ever thought that the damn thing was too fast; barely got a proper kiss _started_ by the time the door opened again.  
  
He laughed when she dragged them past the landing, gently bumping knees and elbows until he landed in the nearest chair.  His laugh deepened to a growl that she could feel low in her stomach when she climbed on the chair after him, knees tight against the arms, back curved so she could kiss him again.    
  
She felt the brim of his hat bump against the top of her head before she lifted just a bit too far, and it fell off behind them.  
  
Not that either of them cared, so much more interested in the slide of his hands up her thighs to linger against her ass, the way their mouths pushed and gasped back and forth as they shared lips and tongues and tastes until their very lungs seemed to be breathing together.  
  
"Happy birthday."  His voice was rough against her ears, a rasp in his throat that made his breath blow soft against her lips.  "Your present's on the desk you know."  
  
Ella glanced sideways, saw a rectangular box all wrapped in green paper.  "Perfectly happy right here."  She tugged at the edge of his ear with her teeth, before whispering softly.  "You're a damn fine present all on your own, you know."  
  
"But think how much fun I'll have if you're extra appreciative after opening it," he whispered back, fingers digging into her ass for one last squeeze before he let go.  "Go on.  Wanna know if you like it, don't I?"  
  
She grinned as she shoved herself off the chair.  "'Course I'll like it.  You've got splendid taste."  
  
"Because I think you taste splendid?"  
  
"Pretty much."  By then she was perched on the edge of the desk next to the box.  She lifted her brows at him in surprise when she picked it up.  "Little heavy for lingerie."  
  
"That would be more of a present for me than you, now wouldn't it?"  
  
She laughed softly as she gave the paper one hard rip, shoving it to the side as she proceeded to open the cardboard box beneath it.    
  
And then froze in surprise at the very distinctive orange label staring up at her from its place in her lap.  She could feel her hand trying to tremble, just a little, as she slowly dropped one finger against the cover.   _Over 200 years old and they still print the damn thing with fleur-de-lis?_  She blinked, the wording suddenly too blurry to read, and her hand stroked softly against the smooth box before sliding down the side, feeling the curve of one spine, and then the other.   _Both of them, even.  Proper box set._  
  
She lifted her head at the distinctive soft rattle of the loose wheel in her desk chair as Joker rolled closer, head tilted as he tried to look at her face.  "Is that good stunned or bad stunned?  Because you're not usually that quiet."  
  
"Where did you?  I didn't even know they still?"  She could hear the shiver she'd avoided in her hand in her voice, and Joker rolled right up against her knees, his hand soft as he reached out and touched her arm.  "You found someone who actually prints books?"  
  
"I can find anything, babe, you know that."  His voice was soft, and his hand stroked all the way up her arm before jumping to settle against her cheek, his thumb sliding back and forth under her eye.  "I thought we'd have a good laugh, and I could convince you to make me something with too much butter tomorrow in the mess.  What's wrong?"  
  
She sniffed, hard, suddenly realizing she was probably leaking tears all over his fingers.  "Nothing, it's."  Ella leaned forward to hug him, arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, feeling the weight of the books shift in her lap.  "It's the best present I think anyone's ever given me, you perfect brilliant idiot."  She adjusted slightly, her forehead resting against his shoulder, eyes closed as she kept talking.  "My mother had an ancient battered set of Mastering the Art of French Cooking.  Present from her _grand-mère_.  Never thought I'd see one again."  
  
She felt the brush of his beard an instant before he pressed a kiss to her temple.  "Then I did good, huh?"  
  
She laughed as she slid off the desk until she was spread across chair arms and lap, the books placed carefully back on the corner next to the remains of the wrapping paper.  "You did better than good.  They're perfect.  You're perfect."  
  
"Pretty sure I'm not," he murmured against her skin, one thumb pressing up her neck and along her jaw, making her lean back, stretching and curving above his lap.  "But I do so love it when you're delusional."  
  
"My birthday.  You have to agree with me."  She groaned softly, eyes falling closed at the feel of his mouth against her neck.  
  
"Now that's just asking for trouble."  His voice was so soft, a whisper, a rasp, a breath against her skin.  It felt so good she was having trouble actually keeping track of the words.  "How 'bout, your birthday, I have to make sure you don't get any sleep at all?"  
  
"Mm.  That is an acceptable counter-offer."  She turned her head, just enough to find his lips.  To shove her tongue down his mouth so he'd be too busy for another retort and she'd get the last word in for once.  
  
And then she felt his hand between her legs, and she stopped worrying about words, and wondered how quickly she could get naked and over to the bed instead.  
  
Not that it was a race or anything.  
  
But Joker let her win.  
  
Several times.  
  
 _Best birthday ever._


End file.
